Let's face it: some of youz guyz are just too nice, always afraid to offend. In other words, you're fully feminized, new-age, politically correct, neutered, mommy-loving, wine-and-cheese type girly-boys. Fantasy football, however, is an exclusively male domain, a cut-throat, no-holds-barred fight to the finish: envision the medieval knight standing bloody but unbowed, resting on his sword, his trusty steed by his side, the slain bodies of his enemies strewn around him, contemplating the ravaging of the princess in the local castle.

Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration.

Maybe.

A bit.

But there is hope for you pathetic wimps out there. I have collected several insults from one of the classic scenes in all of moviedom which you can use freely during the fantasy season to intimidate, awe, or simply disgust your worthy (and not-so-worthy) opponents. Hint: For maximum effectiveness, these insults should be delivered with an outrageous French accent.

 

   Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person! I blow my nose at you!

 I don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction!

 

 

 Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

 I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters.

 

 

I burst my pimples at you, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms! Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.

 

Now here's one from the "Argument Sketch:"

You snotty-faced evil pan of droppings! Shut your festering gob, you twit! Your type makes me puke, you vacuous stuffy-nosed malodorous pervert!